


Because Baby, You're As Cold As Ice

by Ourliazo



Series: A Brief Foray [6]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Gen, I wish there was an enemy tag in relationships for Kyouya and Mukuro, Ice Skates As Weapons, Kyouya Is The Chief Of Police, Reborn Needs To Stop Tormenting Tsuna, Tsuna As Yuri, Warning: I Did No Research For Figure Skating, Yuri on Ice AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 18:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12777240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ourliazo/pseuds/Ourliazo
Summary: Tsuna is a figure skater, stuck with the devil himself as a coach. Kyouya is a police officer watching his cousin on his day off. Mukuro owns the ice rink and remembers every single night spent in a jail cell thanks to the Skylark. Reborn decides Tsuna's next routine should have the choreography of a fight.It's funny how these things just so happen to line up.





	Because Baby, You're As Cold As Ice

**Author's Note:**

> Background: Yuri On Ice AU, except not, because Kyouya has taken over. This legit just a fight on ice now.

Tsuna is at the ice rink with his coach Reborn, but he's mostly playing around with his friends rather than training.

The large rink is cut into half with small orange traffic cones, and while Tsuna is sliding around with Hayato, Takeshi and Ryohei on one side, the other half has a few dozen of the public skating about with two purple haired siblings to help them. Actually, Chrome is the only one helping, Mukuro is standing back and watching the plebeians fall over each other.

The cut off area has a few better skaters circling the middle, but most are wobbling awkwardly and clinging to the chest high wall in some odd conga line formation. The most amount of slips and falls occur near the traffic cone area that stretches across just ice so there's nothing for the people to hold onto.

On Tsuna's side, his three ice hockey friends are casually passing a puck around, no actual goal in mind. Reborn is perched on the ice rink's wall, ankles crossed and shiny black skates on as he watches Tsuna makes lazy spins and laugh with the others.

Tsuna makes a spinning hop over the puck, easily clearing three rotations mid-air since jump manoeuvres are his specialty. He sticks the landing and slides backwards over the ice, his skates making fine trails.

He comes to a soft stop right in front of Reborn and grins at his coach as he rests his elbows on the other man's thighs and lets his chin fall into his palms.

"Gotten bored already?" Reborn drawls. "Perhaps I should kick your friends out and you could actually focus on training. Would you like a special dying will session?"

Tsuna winces and laughs nervously, straightening up and brushing off Reborn's pants as if Tsuna left dirt when he touched the other man. "I'd rather not revisit those terrifying months when you first became my coach, thanks though."

"Then get back to practice," Reborn says in amusement and nudges Tsuna's knee with the toe of his skate.

"Okay, okay," Tsuna sighs long-sufferingly.

A loud laugh makes Tsuna glance over to the other side of the rink. A boy maybe twelve years old with a cow print shirt is clutching the rink's wall and laughing at a Chinese girl around the same age who just belly flopped onto the ice.

The girl frowns but then grins and plants her hands on the ice, whipping her legs around in some fast martial arts move, and the boy goes down flat on his back. The two stare at each other and then cackle.

Right up until the town's terrifying chief of police slides towards them with one hand on the wall for balance. They peer up at the black-haired man and grin sheepishly, using him as an anchor to grab onto so they could stand up again. He takes it with a blank expression but once they're standing he sends a light kick to their skates and they tumble back to the ice. He skates past them without a backwards glance.

Tsuna turns back to Reborn. "Why can't you be that nice to me?" Tsuna is willing to take a kick to the skates any day over the kinds of things Reborn pulls.

His coach smirks. "Do you really want me to be  _nice,_  Dame-Tsuna?"

Hayato skates by then, thudding straight into the wall beside Reborn with the carelessness of a professional ice hockey player. "If it's anything like Bianchi being nice, good luck."

Ryohei thuds onto the opposite side of Reborn next. "I'll call an extreme ambulance for you," he bellows at Tsuna using his inside voice.

Takeshi rams into the barrier as well, almost taking down Hayato. "It can't be that bad," he chuckles, always the delusional optimist.

"Idiot," Hayato snaps, smacking Takeshi's shoulder with the back of his hand. "You almost hit me."

Takeshi laughs again and dodges back, away from the second hit, but Hayato gives chase. Ryohei shouts about 'extreme ice boxing' and skates after the two with the intent to join in.

"This will not end well," Tsuna says.

"Does it ever?" Reborn retorts. "Three of them, right next to a few dozen people who can't move well on the ice. You might want to stop them."

"Why can't you?" Tsuna complains.

"They're your friends, Dame-Tsuna," Reborn accuses. "Why would I get my hands dirty with a couple of  _hockey players_?" He emphasises the last words as if they're an insult.

Reborn views figure skaters above any other sport, and has a particularly bad opinion of hockey players. Mostly because Colonnello is a hockey player and constantly makes jokes about Reborn cosplaying on ice.

Technically true, but also not taking into account the consecutive and absolute victories in any competition Reborn has participated in ever since he first started competing. There's 'God like', and then there's 'Reborn' about thirteen steps above.

Tsuna shakes his head in fond exasperation and skates towards the others.

Takeshi is sliding backwards, hands behind his head and a grin on his face while Hayato smirks and ducks low, pouring on the speed like he's going to tackle the other into a barrier.

It's Ryohei who sees the problem first. The hockey players are currently shooting across the floor to the blocked off area. More specifically, towards the people unable to get out of their way quick enough.

The black-haired man from before is standing right in their way, his back to them as he tracks the two kids. He's standing just outside the orange cones, separate from the single line of skaters rotating the rink.

"Watch out!" Ryohei yells, his voice easily cutting across the entire cavernous room and making everyone turn to him.

Takeshi whips around to look where he's going but he's just too close and won't be able to stop in time. He has a choice to swerve around the man, but then he'd just hit the other people, and quite frankly the guy looks like he can take it.

Hayato slams on the brakes and curves hard away from the people, watching with a wince as Takeshi keeps going, the other trying to stop but the momentum carrying him.

The black-haired man turns at Ryohei's shout to find an out of control hockey player speeding towards him. He tenses in preparation to move away but he's still unsure on the skates and they slip a little underneath him instead of moving him to the side.

At the last possible moment, Mukuro glides in, barely more than a blur, and snatches up the man before spinning both of them away into Tsuna's side of the ice.

Takeshi just misses clipping the two, slips past the single file skaters, and comes to a jerky stop in the middle of the blocked off half with a shocked laugh.

Tsuna lets out a shaky breath of relief because collisions can be very dangerous, especially with a hockey player, and Tsuna doesn't want the man to be hurt at all much less in front of his two kids.

The only ones not relieved are Lambo and I-pin, who really wanted to see the other guy get the stuffing beaten out of him by Kyouya. Lambo was betting that Kyouya would have simply kicked the poor guy in the face just before collision and knocked him back, but I-pin went the mildly less gory route and thought Kyouya would have flipped over the other man to get out of the way before commencing the maiming.

Mukuro chuckles with a 'kufufufu' and tightens his arms around Kyouya, pressing the man's back against his chest only because he knows it'll make the police officer angry and Mukuro deserves revenge for that arrest last Tuesday. "How disappointing, Skylark," Mukuro murmurs. "I can't believe you had to be saved by me."

Kyouya snarls and digs his nails into the irritating pineapple's forearms with the intent to either shred Mukuro's flesh from his bones or make the man let go. Kyouya knew this was a bad idea, but no, I-pin and her friend wanted to skate and Fon had to take off somewhere, leaving Kyouya with two brats. Plus the man had the audacity to take Kyouya's tonfas.

"I'm so sorry," Takeshi calls out, skating back into the other half. "I didn't know the blocked off portion was that close."

Both Kyouya and Mukuro ignore the man because Mukuro is too busy trying to not lose his kneecaps. He shoves Kyouya forwards and slides back, just before Kyouya's kick can connect and Mukuro's leg can be sliced in half.

Kyouya skids to a stop, suddenly far more graceful and confident since he's in the middle of a fight, and whips around with a scowl.

Mukuro gestures for him to attack with a smirk on his face and Chrome sighs heavily but starts ushering people off the ice so they don't get caught in the cross-fire.

Tsuna watches the sudden brawl with wide eyes because he wants to stop them, but he does not want to die. He slides back to his coach and wraps a hand around the man's wrist, ready to pull him out of the way if the fight comes towards them.

The two men are blurs on the ice, their spinning kicks just clipping each other's clothes and cutting through the material easily with the dangerously sharp blades on each foot. Ice is chipped and gouged out with every attack and abrupt stop they make.

"Reborn," Tsuna says in worry. "What should we do?"

Reborn hums. "This brings back memories."

"What kind of weird memories do you have?!" Tsuna splutters.

Kyouya blurs forward and feints with a kick to Mukuro's skates, instead jabbing a fist into the pineapple's sternum and throwing him onto his back. Kyouya pushes the attack and stomps down on what should have been the other man's femoral artery, but Mukuro rolls backwards over his shoulder and Kyouya's skate wedges itself into the ice until the bottom of the boot was touching the frozen surface.

Kyouya loses balance since his foot is stuck and raises his arms to take the impact when he falls. Unfortunately for him, Mukuro swoops in and grabs Kyouya, hauling him up and straight out of the ice before whipping around and throwing him across the rink like Mukuro is doing a stunt with Chrome.

Kyouya twirls gracefully though the air, because everything he does is graceful, and lands on the ice lightly as if he completely planned that. His momentum carries him backwards, but he goes with it and slingshots around the now almost empty rink before charging Mukuro again.

"Oh no," Tsuna winces, clambering over to a door in the ice rink's barrier and stepping into the mats specifically made for taking the skating blades. "Oh, this is so bad. I'm going to see my first dead body. I'm not ready for this!"

Reborn rolls his eyes. "Pay attention," he says casually, completely ignoring the tense atmosphere. "I want this to be your next routine."

Tsuna peers at Reborn suspiciously.

Mukuro dodges at the last possible moment but latches onto Kyouya's wrists, throwing them both into a vicious spiral where the centrifugal force is trying to separate them.

"I'll bite you to death," Kyouya snaps out, trying to figure out how to move the way he wants to on the slippery surface.

"I'm looking forward to it," Mukuro purrs, taking an unholy pleasure in going through his last figure skating routine with Kyouya in Chrome's place.

"It's been about five minutes, right?" I-pin asks, leaning forward against the barrier to better see the fight.

"Yep," Lambo chirps, right beside her. "So Kyouya's probably gotten the hang of it."

Just as Lambo finishes his sentence, Kyouya grabs onto Mukuro's wrists as well and uses the hold to leap up and slice his skates towards the other in a scissor kick.

Mukuro leans back as far as he can, immediately letting go of Kyouya, but the other holds on and the skates draw two parallel lines straight up Mukuro's torso. Only then does Kyouya let go and because of the way Mukuro is leaning back, the rink's owner slams down onto the ice head first and slides across it on his back, stunned.

Kyouya lands neatly and slides forward, circling the downed man with a shark's intensity, and smirks when he sees lines of red slashed down Mukuro's chest. Kyouya decides that it's not deep enough and stops abruptly beside Mukuro head, raising one foot until his blade is kissing Mukuro's neck.

Tsuna wraps his arms around Reborn's waist from behind so he can peek over the man's shoulder to watch but if it gets too gory he can duck down and hide.

"Shit," Mukuro hisses out, hands coming up to grab Kyouya's skate but unable to do anything. One wrong move and he's dead.

Then Chrome clears her throat pointedly.

Kyouya darts a glance to the woman standing at the ice rink's edge, Chrome having just come back from ushering everyone outside the building with an intense politeness.

"Just once," Kyouya negotiates.

"I don't think you know how death works," Mukuro says.

"If I asked for twice, it would be called posthumous mutilation," Kyouya explains. "Read a book sometime, herbivore."

"What kind of books are you reading?"

"Mukuro," Chrome calls out. "Now is not the time."

Mukuro promptly shuts up.

"She's a UMA," Hayato deadpans.

Tsuna jolts and turns to find his three friends behind him. "Where did you guys go?" Tsuna asks.

"We got pushed out," Takeshi explains with a smile. "Then we snuck back in, maybe broke a window, the usual."

Sadly, that is the usual, so Tsuna accepts it.

"Listen," Kyouya begins. "I respect your claim to the pineapple male, which is the only reason I stopped when you asked, but he started it."

"I've already called Fon," Chrome says, ignoring Kyouya's words entirely.

"Just hear me out," Kyouya tries. "Don't think of it as 'murder', think of it as 'culling the herd'."

"Please leave."

* * *

Tsuna takes in a deep breath, standing in the middle of the ice with thousands of watchers around him and tens of thousands sure to see him later in recordings.

The music starts, a dark and dangerous melody washing over the arena as Tsuna moves gracefully in long, languid circles, the red of his clothes flaring like fire and blood. Then the beat suddenly changes to a discordant and almost painful noise as Tsuna leaps into the air with a spinning kick more likely to be seen in a martial arts tournament than in a figure skating competition.

The crowd gasps and murmurs to each other while the judges lean forward in their seats. Then Tsuna is doing jumps, toe loops, axels, flips, over and over and over, half way down the ice rink because he worked for this stamina and this height.

(Because he learned things that no one should ever have to know. Because Mukuro likes jump scares. Because Kyouya doesn't stop until his prey can't move anymore. Because Tsuna has  _earned this gold medal_.)

The crowd is screaming, leaping to their feet and losing their shit because Tsuna's second half in the free skate has been seventy percent air time and he's still going strong.

Tsuna catches sight of Reborn and the man is smirking, definitely tallying the results in his head. Tsuna wouldn't be surprised if Reborn guessed a number now and Tsuna ended up with that exact score.

Tsuna throws himself into the air one last time for a spin and lands hard, skidding to a stop with his arm wide open as he gasps for air, completely exhausted.

The crowd is still screaming, and the commentator is clearly fangirling, and the ice soon fills with thrown flowers and stuffed toys. Despite the noise and the flashing lights from the many, many pictures being taken, Tsuna still finds it in himself to spot his friends in the audience.

A wide grin splits his face.

* * *

"You're first," says Reborn, almost apathetic as he peers up at the score boards.

"Why do you sound surprised?" Tsuna asks, voice muffled because his face is buried in Reborn's neck. He then sighs because there's no real point. "You just wanted to see me get beaten up by Mukuro and Kyouya, didn't you?"

"Your choreography was about a fight," Reborn argues. "So you had to learn how to fight."

Tsuna pulls away and simply stares at his coach.

"Alright, just a little," Reborn admits shamelessly. "How are the stitches by the way?"

Tsuna makes a face.

**Author's Note:**

> Other story lines within this one:
> 
> 1\. For those of you unsure; yes, Reborn set it all up, from the almost collision to the fight and right through to Tsuna's win.
> 
> 2\. Hayato, Takeshi and Ryohei end up winning the international ice hockey championship, but that's a whole other anime – other fic, I mean.
> 
> 3\. Reborn is actually as flamboyantly gay as Victor, but he also has a gun so no one calls him out on it. (Admit it, you imagined Reborn in the onsen scene.)
> 
> 4\. Kyouya adds retractable blades to his shoes and the world becomes a darker place.
> 
> 5\. Fon never again allows Kyouya around children without supervision. He also swears (not for the first time) that he will stop letting Reborn coax him into the skater's mischief.
> 
> 6\. Reborn joins ice hockey for one game and pretty much snaps Colonnello in half. Metaphorically, thankfully.
> 
> 7\. I'm not sure where Xanxus fits in but he's around here somewhere. Probably Yurio, except less Russian and more angry.
> 
> 8\. Tsuna still ends up becoming a mafia boss.


End file.
